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"Thy Flashing Eyes in the Sky" ... my first English poem

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Admin
Admin
Admin


Age : Registration date : 2008-08-27 Number of posts : 80 Location :
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PostSubject: "Thy Flashing Eyes in the Sky" ... my first English poem   Sun Nov 02, 2008 10:27 pm

Dear friends,

This is my first poem in English. I write some poetry in Arabic, my
mother language, but now, this is a new experiment for me and I hope it could
stand at the threshold of your elevated taste satisfaction.
Let you with the poem.








Thy Flashing Eyes in the Sky




In the time the brightening sun does fade ..


And the heavy waves of rains do blow


And the deep sad love that hides in shade


Comes up to lips by augmenting grow.


Amidst such storms whom sorrows invade


Thy lovely face, the rains would show.


The glittering eyes, of peace are made,


of thou, make peace, with tempest though


And could it be the rains that raid


Draw your eyes, or me who draw?








Looking forward to reading your comments.

Regards,
Sofia Grain (Mr)
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heron

heron


Age : 34 Registration date : 2008-08-30 Number of posts : 133 Location : Heaven
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PostSubject: Re: "Thy Flashing Eyes in the Sky" ... my first English poem   Mon Nov 03, 2008 5:16 am

Dear Admin,

I wrote a very long reply about your poem but while posting, an error occured here. Anyway, it is very fanciful and fantastic poem indeed. I liked the personification in the poem so much, and regarding my comments I have one about the word "draw" in the last line, it is not the same rhyme as " blow" and etc.
Anyway, it is a nice poem.



Regards
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Admin
Admin
Admin


Age : Registration date : 2008-08-27 Number of posts : 80 Location :
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PostSubject: Re: "Thy Flashing Eyes in the Sky" ... my first English poem   Mon Nov 03, 2008 10:17 am

Hi Heron,
Yes, this is one of the earliest useful comment I get. I hope I would receive more comments. Thank you very much for taking some of your time to write your long comment which unfortunately was lost by error. Also thank you for your existent comment. This is supporting !!

Best regards,
Sofia Grain (Mr)
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"Thy Flashing Eyes in the Sky" ... my first English poem

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